So many seeds my friend…

James and I first met through the Mesh Discord community and continued our conversations on the phone. We spoke of many things including how to scent live shows for hours after school runs and James also encouraged me to pursue my masters in psychology and my mad attempt to use my DNA to create music. Then sadly I discovered my Dad had cancer and James kindly kept in contact and supported me through it and offered so many kind gestures. My paternal family had connections to Chichester and James offered for me to stay or go for a walk on the beach. He kept me buoyant with his kindness. We had this shared thread of dealing with fathers. We also realised that we had shared connections through my father-in-law Ashley Beedle and James was keen to get Ashley to remix one of the tracks from the wonderful Mesh playlist. I always felt in the future we would do some great things.

Then my father-in-law Ashley sadly had to have brain surgery and now he is on the road to recovery. We had to keep it quiet but I was keen to let James know. I messaged him as normal but the message remained unanswered which was strange. It was that week that I saw the announcement. The same week of the anniversary of my Dad’s passing. The air left my lungs and my heart sank. I grieve for a future stolen and for his family. I am so sorry for your loss. But through our conversations I found a truth that those we lose never leave us and James sowed many seeds of creative potential and they will blossom in his memory and he leaves this middle world at least, a better more colorful place.

So long my friend, for now.

I wrote a poem for James:

Can I call you a friend? I felt the buds A spark igniting A future Taken for granted A future Of creativity Of support Of love You were a light In dark times We spoke of new things Of life The dull and the bright So I shall Realise that future For us My friend

Much love and may we all plant more seeds on in James’ name x